Balancing Life: The Dance Between “Have Tos” and “Want Tos”

In the fast pace of modern life, most of us operate in two distinct categories: The Have Tos and The Want Tos. The Have Tos are our responsibilities — work commitments, bills to pay, laundry to fold, groceries to buy, deadlines to meet. They keep the lights on and the wheels turning.

The Want Tos are our joys — hobbies, leisure, adventures, time with friends, creative pursuits, the things that light us up and remind us why life is worth living in the first place.

As functioning members of society, we can’t live entirely in one category. Too much focus on the Have Tos can leave us burnt out, disconnected, and feeling like life is only about survival. On the other hand, living solely in the Want Tos might feel exciting for a while, but eventually, reality will knock — responsibilities neglected have a way of catching up.

The sweet spot? Recognizing both exist and should be honored. As country artist John Michael Montgomery sang in Life’s a Dance, “Life’s a dance you learn as you go, sometimes you lead and sometimes you follow.” Balance means knowing when it’s your turn to take the lead — and when it’s time to let life’s flow guide you.

Why Balance Matters

• Sustainability: Responsibilities provide structure; joys provide fuel. Without both, the system breaks down.

• Mental Health: A life overloaded with “Have Tos” can cause stress and resentment, while too many “Want Tos” without responsibility can lead to anxiety and instability.

• Fulfillment True freedom arises from attending to both one's physical necessities, such as food, shelter, and social interaction while also attending to one's mental requirements, including engaging in exploration, learning, and practicing personal interests purely for fun.

Signs You Might Be Out of Balance

• You feel constantly drained, with no time for enjoyment.

• You avoid responsibilities until they pile up and become overwhelming.

• You feel guilty when relaxing or restless when working.

• Your relationships suffer because you’re either “too busy” or “never showing up when it counts.”

Steps Toward Balance

1. Take Inventory – Make two lists: your Have To’s and your Want To’s. Be honest and specific.

2. Identify Extremes – Notice if one list is dominating your time and energy.

3. Schedule Both – Treat your joys as non-negotiable appointments, just like your responsibilities.

4. Practice Flexibility – Life isn’t perfectly split 50/50. Some days will lean heavier to one side — the goal is to course-correct over time.

5. Check In Regularly – Weekly or monthly, ask yourself: Am I surviving, thriving, or both?

The Takeaway

A balanced life isn’t about doing everything in equal measure; it’s about giving both your responsibilities and your desires the respect they deserve. The Have To’s keep your life steady. The Want To’s keep your life alive. When they work together, you don’t just exist in society — you thrive in it.

Please feel free to download Free Tools to help you sort and schedule your Have Tos and Want Tos